Side Paths

Yesterday was a hard day for me for many different reasons. Life seems to be whizzing by, especially marked by my son growing so fast, and yet I seem to be standing still. I feel to be fighting so hard to move forward in one direction but unable to get anywhere. Honestly, it feels as though I am running my very hardest and yet the Lord is holding me up by the neck of my shirt, my feet moving as fast as they can off the ground and getting no where. I am exhausted and weary. The Lord has been testing me in so many ways lately and I continually fail...over and over. Fail to go to Him first in all things, fail to remain faithful in my prayers; fail to maintain his patience; fail to gain His wisdom. And yet through my continued failings he shows me that it is not about my own strength; my own doings; my own strides for perfection but all about Him; His strength; His doing; and ultimately his glory. Yesterday as I was reflecting and really thinking of all the things I have not done right in different situations; feeling guilty for my shortcomings...the Lord showed me in His word the story of Abraham in Genesis with Sara. Abraham and Sara were traveling to Egypt due to a famine. Sara was very beautiful and Abraham told her to say she was his sister because he was afraid and did not want to be mistreated. Abraham was right because the Egyptian Pharaoh saw Sara and took her to become his wife. I can only imagine all that was going on in Abraham's mind, the conversations with Sara, the fear, the anxiety, wondering, Lord why would you allow this?; where are you Lord?; help me. The Lord did step in and gave Pharaoh diseases and plagued him with nightmares. It was revealed to Pharaoh that Sara was Abraham's wife and he said, why did you not tell me? Take her and leave! Even through Abraham's shortcomings, his lack of faithfulness and inability to handle the situation on his own correctly, God still protected Abraham and Sara. In the moment it just really revealed to me that sometimes it does not matter if we mess up. It takes the burden off my shoulders. My lack of faithfulness will not thwart the Lords plans or divert his paths for me....I may add some side paths but He ultimately brings me back to his path. It is His higher power that is in control. It also revealed to me that I need to fully and completely trust the Lord...which I have repeatedly said over and over again in this blog but really feel that the Lord keeps showing me deeper understandings of what that really looks like. Abraham entered Egypt and was put in this stressful situation, out of his fear and lack of faith he came up with his own plans on how to handle it verses going to the Lord first and seeking Him. And although Abraham and Sara came out the other side of it unharmed due to the Lord, look at all the stress and anxiety in the situation they put on themselves only because they did not keep there eyes completely on the Lord. And yet the Lord also allowed it...Abraham and Sara added there own side path, which the Lord allowed to add a deeper understanding of Him so that all glory would go to Him. And through it, I also cannot help but smile because the Lord does use all things for good, the fear of the Lord was revealed fully to this Egyptian Pharaoh. No doubt that when Abraham and Sara departed...Pharaoh was left thinking, wow! his God is real.

For some of us our side paths are just a lot bigger and longer till we come to the point of understanding and come fully back to His path for us.